


The World Can Go On Without Me

by lancelitttle (lancelot2point0)



Category: BBC Merlin, Merlin (2005), Merlin (TV), Merlin - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, Episode: s04e01-02 The Darkest Hour, Fix-It, Gen, M/M, The Darkest Hour fix-it, mercelot - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:14:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27974252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lancelot2point0/pseuds/lancelitttle
Summary: The Darkest Hour Fix-it.
Relationships: Lancelot/Merlin (Merlin)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 77





	The World Can Go On Without Me

**Author's Note:**

> PROMPT (Angst no. 5 & 6).  
> No. 5 “Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.” No. 6 “Don’t you ever do that again!”. 
> 
> Warnings : angst, there's a swear word (does this count??) 
> 
> Prompt list: https://wishiwasanavenger.tumblr.com/post/190047246564/prompt-list

The journey back felt like a lifetime. The air was heavy and rain threatened every other hour. Their hearts were heavier than the air, and the silence was slowly crushing them all.

Merlin's world had shrunk to the weight of the sword on his hips and it's rhythmic thumping against his leg that helped keep him grounded enough to not fall off Aerose.

He was glad, in some corner of his mind, that she knew what to do without his guiding her.

The citadel was quieter than usual when they rode in, but that was to be expected. So many people had lost loved ones. Merlin wondered if they all felt the same way he did.

Lost in his own thoughts, Merlin did not notice the page boy run up to Arthur and hand him a piece of paper, and was forcibly drawn into the moment as Aerose suddenly picked up her pace to a brisk canter in sync with the rest of the horses.

The streets were quite empty, which further explained the quiet, and soon Merlin found himself looking at a slight crowd in the Palace courtyard. It was smaller than the usual welcoming committee, yet no less eager for news of what had happened.

The people parted quickly for the returning party and Merlin froze.

There, on the steps leading up to the castle, just slightly behind and to the right side of Gwen, stood Lancelot. He wasn't wearing his chainmail, and kept shifting unconsciously, trying to compensate for the lack of a sword.

He had his hands clasped loosely behind him, and his eyes were locked on Merlin.

He barely reacted when Arthur unsheathed his sword, and the rest of the knights followed suit.

There was a strange knot building in Merlin's gut, and he gripped the reins tightly.

Even as the knights surrounded him and Arthur drew Gwen away, Lancelot's eyes never left Merlin.

Merlin knew that this was Lancelot, every part of him  _ knew.  _ But, it wasn't possible, and he wouldn't let himself give in to false hope.

_ Myrddin _

Merlin ignored the voice.

_ Myrddin, listen to me. _

Suppressing the urge to roll his eyes, Merlin responded.  _ Yes? _

_ The one you see, standing before you, is Lancelot. _

Oh, how he wanted to allow himself to believe that. But the voice sounded almost like his mother's, so again, he responded.  _ And why should I believe that. _

_ I am the one who brought him back. This is no trick, or cruelty. You are the child of magic, and I take care of what is mine. He is the one you want. You can sense it, Myrddin, I know you can, do not allow your fear to blind you. _

Merlin blinked, opened his mouth and shut it again rather quickly.  _ Who are you? _

He heard a sound like laughter, but it was the roar of the wind, the crashing of the waves and the beat of a butterfly's wings all at once.  _ I am Diana and Hecate, I am the Moirai. To the druids I am the Triple Goddess. Now, go. Lancelot is waiting. _

Stunned, Merlin slid off Aerose. The knot that had been building inside was coming unravelled. He pushed his way past the people who were crowding around the knights.

Arthur said something, but he didn't hear it and he brushed off Gwaine's hand from his shoulder.

"You're  _ a fucking asshole.  _ You know that?"

"Merlin,"

Warm hands wrapped gently around his wrists and Merlin looked down to find himself gripping the fabric of Lancelot's shirt.

"No, no, no. You do not get to 'Merlin' after what you just did!"

"I know," Lancelot said softly.

"That was my choice to make. My choice, Lance! I was ready, I was fine with what had to be done. What  _ I  _ had to do! You," Merlin pushed against Lancelot, though he still had a death grip on the knight's shirt, "have no right to make choices like that for me!"

"Merlin - ," again, Lance spoke so only Merlin could hear him.

"It's not  _ your _ destiny to do that. It's mine."

The fury that had unfurled in Merlin, was quickly seeping away and in its place a sickening hurt was rapidly blooming.

"Why - why would you leave me like that?" there was the smallest shake in Merlin's voice.

Lancelot placed one hand softly on the side of Merlin's face, "Your destiny has always been greater than mine, and I would protect you from all that I possibly can. The world can go on without me, it can't without you."

"And what if I can't go on without you?" Merlin gripped Lancelot's wrist, "You don't get to decide that the world would be fine without you, just as you don't get to decide that I need you to protect me from everything." Merlin closed his eyes and inhaled sharply, "You don't get to decide those things by yourself, okay."

"I am sorry, Merlin." Lancelot's voice was just as unsteady as Merlin's. "I'm sorry I left you, and I am sorry that I took your decision out of your hands.."

A strangled sob found its way out of Merlin's throat and the hurt gave way to exhaustion.

Lancelot gently wiped a tear from the edge of his eye and Merlin realised that he was crying.

"Don't you  _ ever  _ do that again!" Merlin's voice was hoarse and he fell willingly into the embrace that Lancelot pulled him into.

"I won't leave you again, Merl," Lancelot wrapped one arm around Merlin and threaded the hand of the other through Merlin's hair as he dropped his head to rest at the junction of Lancelot's neck and shoulder.

**Author's Note:**

> This has been rattling around in my head for a few months now. Hope y'all enjoyed it!
> 
> I am thinking of writing two more parts for this, explaining how Lance was returned and this fic, but from another character's perspective, so if you have ideas I'd love to hear them
> 
> If you wanna comment that would be awesome ! 
> 
> Feel free to come yell with me about how the writers did Lance and Merlin dirty with The Darkest Hour @lancelitttle or @twosidesofthesameidiot on tumblr.


End file.
